Love is messy…..just think about it. There really is no way around it. All those emotions swimming around – sometimes they just make a mess. So, if we are being real, marriage can be messy at times. It is by default. I’ve been thinking a lot about my marriage lately. Tomorrow we get the pleasure of celebrating our 15 year anniversary. As I took the time to look back over the past 15 years, it occurred to me just how messy a marriage could be.
I’ll be the first to admit that the past three years of my marriage haven’t been that great. I’d like to say that it was all him, but no, I played my part. I got my feelings hurt, and instead of just working through it with him, I shut him out. I had become really awesome at finding fault in everything he did. He forgot to put the trash on the street…..great…..one more thing to add to my to-do list. He left his dirty dishes in the sink. He spent too much money. I didn’t agree with how he decided to parent our boys. The list goes on. Just FYI – it is really easy to shut your mate out and not have anything to say to him when you are picking him apart and getting irritated at his mere breathing.
Then I had a light bulb moment. I was sitting on the couch one night telling him about something we needed to go do, and his response was less than enthusiastic. Let me tell you – I got my panties in a twist. I mean, how dare he not be excited about doing something with me?!? As I sat there and fumed, a little voice in my head whispered “Do you blame him? Your attitude is sooooo stellar lately.” Ugh…..hush tiny voice! I don’t want to hear your sarcastic, yet rational opinions. It didn’t stop whispering though. Nope. It kept at it until I caved. So, after everyone went to bed that night I found myself quietly praying for God to change my attitude towards my husband, and to help me see the good things he does. I told God that if he intended for me to stay in this marriage, to make it evident to me that this is where I needed to be.
It didn’t take long for me to start seeing all of the things I had been missing. How he had tried to start helping out with the laundry, and picking up the mounds of toys the toddler leaves in the living room every night. I had to have surgery, and he took off from work to take care of me, and did a pretty amazing job. When I had Girls Night and may or may not have stayed out too late, he was kind enough to keep the boys quiet so I could sleep in the next morning. I’m not going to lie – this one earned him TONS of bonus points. I also saw very clearly all of the times he had tried to reach out to me, and I hadn’t been paying attention. When I focused my attention back on my husband, I remembered how he can make me laugh and that he knows me better than anyone.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that everything is perfect. It never will be. Love is messy and hard. He still drives me crazy on a regular basis. Seriously – if he leaves his underwear in the bathroom floor one more time, I will cut him. Cut. Him. I am fairly certain that I drive him batty at least a couple of times a week, but that’s okay. See, I’ve learned that marriage is the commitment to love your partner, even if you don’t like them at the moment. I’ve learned that at times marriage can be messy and hurtful, but in the grand scheme of things, there are so many more happy moments to focus on. I’ve learned that love can also be amazingly beautiful. Beautifully Messy.
Beautifully Messy 